Ruined for the Ordinary

Warning: This is going to be one long blog....just sayin'....

Okay, before I write a whole novel about my week I'm gonna take some time and just brag about my family. I got to see all my sister's wedding pictures and oh my heavens! I seriously felt like I was standing right there with everyone. The moments that were captured made my heart so happy!! Everyone was so cheerful and giddy! AND MY FAMILY! Oh my gosh... my family. Wow... they are beautiful, just beautiful. 

Sara-You leave me speechless. YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!!!! Holy cow. I was showing pictures of you to everyone here. 

Al-Man, you clean up nice. Hahah, no but really you looked amazing!! Gorgeous. So glad you are my brother-in-law! 

Riain-EEEEE!!! You make me so happy! Mommy and Daddy dressed you so well. I could tell you were the life of the party just by looking at the pictures. 

Grandma-There is no question about this. I have THE bestest Grandma to ever walk this earth. You looked so, so, so pretty and just so happy. It makes me so happy to see you smile! 

Dad-Lookin' good dad. Saw you bustin' a move. Hopefully you didn't break anything. Heheheheheheh

Mom-GORGEOUS!!!!! Golly, I have the prettiest mommy ever. And you worked it in those shoes. 

Anna-Nice dress, where did you get it?! Haha you wore it better than I ever could. You are just stunning... STUNNING! 

Chaz-Yup, I gotta good lookin' brother-in-law. You just look like a police officer. Hahah

William-Wow, I have such a stud for a brother. You looked amazing! Even when your eyes were all squinty from taking pictures, you still looked great!  

Gah, like seriously. My family is beautiful I can't say that enough. I am so glad I have them and SOOOOOOOO thankful God placed me to be in their lives. How lucky am I?!?!

Okay.... I'm done bragging about my family.

For now......

Oh! But speaking of family... check out my YWAM family! They are the absolute greatest everrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

Aren't they precious?!?! My brothers and sisters in Christ

So, you would think that cause we cleared our conscience last week, got it all out there that there was nothing left to cry about. WRONG!!!!!

As I said earlier this week was identity week. It wasn't just about finding your own identity apart from others, but an identity that is wrapped all up in God. God made each and everyone of us differently and uniquely. Need proof? Our fingerprints. You are one in 13 billion. ONE IN 13 BILLION. and no one else but you has the same finger prints as you. Ain't that pretty neat?! We are all fearfully and wonderfully made... Just sayin'... But I will be honest. It took me quite some time to be able to say that....

This week the women always had to say "I am beautiful" and the men "I am capable" it seemed like everyday we had to shout it to everyone that "I am beautiful" or "I am capable" but every time the girls got up and were shouting I stepped back and never ever said anything. And when the boys had to say "You are beautiful" to the girls I never once made eye contact at them. I just didn't believe it. Everyone was always telling me that, but I just thought they were full of it. How could I believe them, if I didn't even believe myself? I mean I found it so easy to tell other girls how amazingly beautiful they were or the boys that they are more capable than they believe. But, when the tables got turned I just couldn't. I blocked out what they said. 

I think everyone could just see the pain, though. No... they could easily tell. 

But one night, the boys stood on one end, and the girls on the other. Our goal was to make some serious eye contact with the person across from us. At first it was silly, but then I looked into one of the guys eyes and lost it. The way he looked at me. It made me feel beautiful. And please don't get me wrong when I say this. I'm not saying this in like a lustful way at all, or else every guy I made eye contact with I would be in love with. That's not it at all. They are my brothers in Christ. And the way they all looked at me helped me to realize that. I am so extremely thankful for all of them! They are all amazing and they are all capable of anything and everything!! And I mean that with everything I have. I love you all, my brothers in Christ! Thank you for helping me to know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And same for my sisters in Christ, thank you so so so much. 

Anywho, making eye contact with my brothers was awesome and I felt good for a bit, but that quickly dissolved. And yet that pain came back and everyone could tell. 

Then, last night everything changed. I think only 4 people out of 60 something people went up last night cause it just took that long. But everyone who went up had to go up and read out the truths they wrote about themselves and rip up those lies they had written about themselves. Everyone who went up something different happen. When the first girl went up, one of the men leaders went and started slow dancing with her. It was adorable. And of course I was just bawling. Then, one of my brothers took my hand and we danced and he prayed for me. Then, another one of my brothers danced with me. And he told me I was beautiful. I shook my head and he told me he would never lie to me. It felt great to have people keep on telling me that I am beautiful, but that wasn't enough. 

There was only enough time for one more person to go, and by this time I was the biggest wreck possible. But, I just felt something pushing me to go up there (besides Rachel physically pushing me to go). So, I took a huge step of faith and just went. Completely broken I stepped into the middle. I was ready for the change. I was so tired of just spitting in God's face for thinking that I was ever a mistake and that I have no purpose and that I am not a beautiful daughter of His. 

So in the middle of all my YWAM family, I prayed. I said all the things that were the truth about me. I kept saying them. And in the end I screamed "I am beautiful!" and it was just so amazing. Something I never said before and something I never thought I was. But right then, I felt it. And it was the best feeling ever. Now, I know I am a beautiful daughter of God. 

I am good enough

I am loved

I am the best I can possibly be

I have a purpose

I am caring

I have my own special intelligence

I am not alone

I love myself for who I am

I am gifted by God

I have worth

I am so, so, so, happy!

I am a sunflower

I am a superstar

I AM BEAUTIFUL!

Gosh, it's a good feeling I tell you. I feel so light. I am so full of joy. I am figuring out that there is something God has planned for me far greater than I could ever imagine. I am leaving this life I have to follow Him. I am ruined for the ordinary! 

And I just wanna thank each and everyone of my brothers and sisters in Christ who was there that night. Thank you. I love each and everyone of you in such a special way. You have all impacted my life. 

Hehehe, oh! and when I finally broke through and screamed out "I am beautiful" the song "You Don't Know Your Beautiful" by One Direction (yes cheesy I know) came on and we all had a dance party. Pretty freakin' awesome dance party if I do say so myself. I was lifted up by my sisters in Christ and ahhhh! I can't explain to you guys all how exactly I feel, but it's the greatest feeling ever. 

It's taken me a while, but I am finally happy to be me! Elissa Perrigan...ME! A daughter of God, a princess, a superstar!! YAY! 

And so today we were doing the same thing as last night. I am just sitting there and this precious little girl comes up to me and has chocolate. Of course I was like "ooooo! yummy! thank you!!" then she said "no this is for you" and she turns this trophy around and on it is written "I am beautiful" This girl heard what I said last night and she went out and got me a trophy! EEEEE! I'm so giddy right now. I ran around with it everywhere. I am keeping it forever and I'm gonna look at it everyday as a constant reminder. That little girl is my hero now. 

EEEE!!!! LOOK AT IT!!! I FEEL SO SPECIAL AND LOVED!!! Hehehe. 

LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALLALALALALALALLALALALALALALALALALA

So a couple of shout outs right now. 

1. To Tim, cause he bought me my first good cup of coffee here in Australia. Tank you, tank you, tank you. It was much needed. And thank you for everything else (you know what I am talking about).

Best cup of coffee I have had in a long time. SOOO GERRRRD!

2. To Tori, thank you for just being amazingly amazing all the time. Even though you aren't on my DTS you are definitely family.  And thank you so much for the Tim Tams! You have the most giving heart ever. I love you!! 

p.s. Tim Tams are the bestest. I might buy a whole bundle of them before heading back to the states. Cause they are just that good. Still have yet to try and use it as a straw to drink hot chocolate out of. My time will come though. 

Hehehe, okay! Well this blog/novel is getting kind of long and my computer is burning thus it is making me sweat a bunch. Well no... I always sweat here. It's summer time! Woot! Have I mentioned my life rocks? Yeah, it does. Well, I shall blog another day about my other adventures. I wuv you all so much. And you are all beautiful and capable of anything and everything and I mean that with everything I have. 

God bless!